


The Other Promise: Elegy

by Arya_Rayne



Series: The Terrible Things Arya Does to Her Favourites [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Arya does terrible things to her favourites, Consequences of Possession, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, OOC I guess, Possession, Self-Harm, Short One Shot, Terra still fighting to be heard, Xemnas is hurting, even when his body is Xemnas, missing memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-20 15:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30007017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arya_Rayne/pseuds/Arya_Rayne
Summary: Nobodies didn’t have hearts, could not feel emotions. So why was he here, proof of his own heart streaming down his cheeks. Xemnas knew… he shouldn’t be feeling this. But he wanted to feel something.
Relationships: Ienzo & Terra (Kingdom Hearts), Xemnas & Zexion (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: The Terrible Things Arya Does to Her Favourites [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2207361
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	The Other Promise: Elegy

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning - self-harm and depression.

He knew what he always said. Nobodies don’t have hearts, they can’t feel emotions. He knew that. He also knew that he often expressed emotion more than the rest of the Organization. While he was here, in a room where no one was likely to find him, he could admit that. It was also in this room that he let himself go, and screamed out his pain and agony, tears streaming down his face as strangled sobs escaped his lips. This room was deep within the former castle of Radiant Garden, now destroyed. Few members of Organization XIII knew it existed, and fewer still knew that he came here. Only two, in fact; himself and--

“Xehanort…?”

He flinched away at the voice of Zexion. That wasn’t him, that wasn’t his name--!

“Terra, I’m sorry!” Zexion gasped and Xemnas relaxed slightly. That name… the name which was disjointed, floated out from muted memories and was calming. It was a secret only Zexion and Xemnas shared, times when it hurt to be called Xehanort, times when Xemnas loathed himself, times when Xemnas wished more than anything to disappear, to suffer for a crime he could not remember. 

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Zexion inquired softly. He already knew the answer, he asked every time. It was a part of their ritual. Xemnas always gave the same answer every time, it was no different now.

“I wanted to feel something…”

Zexion walked up to Xemnas, and sat down in front of him, taking in the silver haired man’s appearance. Ruffled and haggard. Cross-legged on the floor, gloves off, bleeding wrist, bloody knife on the floor. Tears, dirt and grime on his face. Still sobbing, though his cries had quietened when Zexion announced himself. Gently, with an expression that should have been impossible for someone with no heart, the teenager picked up the knife and Xemnas’ uninjured arm, and led the man from the room, pulling him down to where the kitchens had been, where there were still working taps. Without a word, Zexion set aside the knife, rolled up Xemnas’ sleeve, and started to carefully clean fresh cuts. When he was done, the teen looked up and Xemnas’ eyes, dull muddy brown, not the burning amber, tears having dried while Zexion was tending to his wrist, stared back with open and raw despair.

“Would you like me to heal it?” He asked softly. Xemnas shook his head.

“They remind me that I am still here,” he murmured. It was a sentence with a deeper meaning than any listeners might realise, as Zexion pulled a gauze from his pocket and wrapped it around Xemnas’ wrist. The teen understood. He remembered the first time he had met Terra, the heart hidden in Xehanort, the true heart of the Apprentice whom Ansem the Wise had taken in. He didn't have any memories of who he was, just his name, but he was there, trying to retain his identity. That Terra had been afraid of Xehanort using his body to hurt the other Apprentices. When he was able to wrangle control back from the parasitic heart, Terra would talk with Ienzo. They had become friends, and Ienzo had decided with his little child heart that he would help Terra regain his body.

The Terra hidden within Xemnas felt guilt. Xemnas knew that hearts returned to Nobodies over time. Zexion wasn't stupid either. Xehanort had no say in the heart which returned to Xemnas. The scars Xemnas inflicted on himself was a reminder. _Terra is still here and he is fighting._ Zexion looked up to that strength, that incredible willpower.

As the teen pulled the silver haired Nobody into a hug though… he silently wished that Xemnas… that Terra would find a different reminder. _He didn’t like seeing his brother hurt himself._ At least the gloves and sleeves hid the scars.

Arms weakly wrapped around his shoulders in response, and another sob shook Xemnas’ body. Even with all his other emotions, he was still afraid. The weight of the older Nobody’s depression hit Zexion again, but the teen didn’t know what to say. What could he say? So he simply hugged Xemnas a little tighter as the silver-haired man broke down again into uncontrollable sobs. No one would ever need to know that the Superior of the In-Between went to dark corners to hide. Zexion would protect this secret, especially from the other Apprentices who had followed the suggestions of the one named Xehanort. Terra deserved better.

In the shadows of the former kitchens, a single golden eye closed as a scarred man let darkness swallow him away. It was always the moments of depression that made watching the hardest. Now all he had to do was wait for Xemnas to return. When he did, it would be Xehanort again, pushing the Organization forward to becoming vessels for darkness. And once it was all over, his role would be fulfilled with an empty feeling. It was all Luxu had left.

_Why, Master? Why do you want this to happen? You said that Light lives on in the hearts of children, but even children can only be broken so many times before they shatter. Where is the Dandelions’ Light now?_

**Author's Note:**

> Yeeeaaah I had thoughts while reading fanfics in another fandom. I do terrible things to my favourite characters. I am so sorry Xemnas. *hugs him close* And I'm about to do more to him too, because I'll be posting another fic for Xemnas once I finish editing it. Chapter 33 of BSR is not finished yet, so I'm uploading this and other fic instead. 
> 
> The name of this fic actually came from me listening to music in Melody of Memory's Jukebox and the song, the Other Promise, just... fit especially after I did some digging into the music. Thus, The Other Promise: Elegy was born.


End file.
